Dancing to the will of Maya (illusion)

mayaWhen I met my boyfriend I thought I had met the love of my life and that we would stay together for the rest of our lives. I got pregnant and I now have a two year old son. Now we will most likely take different paths and I find myself looking for a place to live close to my son’s grandparents. A place I don’t really want to live, but seems like the best (and only) option right now.

At first I asked myself “how could I be so wrong?”, but now I see it differently. I have just been dancing to the will of Maya. Usually when there have been changes in my life I have thought that it will make things better, it would improve my life one way or another. The changes that are coming for me now, I don’t think will be “for the better”. I think they are just another change, my karma will dictate whether it will be better or not. My life is not my own anymore. Any decisions I make is strongly affected by what’s best for my son and I’m not so sure that it’s even decisions for me to make. Maya just carves the path, and I follow.

Forget about free will, I have none. The only free will I have is whether I want to chant and try to have a semblance of spiritual life.

Here I was thinking about how temporary life is, when my life is only a celebration of the temporary. I’m so stupid.


2 thoughts on “Dancing to the will of Maya (illusion)

  1. Regarding the previous post and the benefit of being born in India, it is true that India has a favorable environment in general towards bhakti.

    Connecting that with this post, here are some writings about creating favorable circumstances in the context of parenting:

    Srila Sadananda Swami: http://www.sadananda.com/txt/en/text_downloads/en/trape.pdf

    Vilasini, disciple of Srila Bhakti Abhaya Narayan Maharaj:
    “When Gauranga was born, Gurudev wrote me a letter. He warned me not to live with the misunderstanding that when vaishnavas rear their children, the teaching of the philosophy is the most important thing. Actually for a long time I held the idea that motherhood was not real devotional service. But then Gurudev wrote that besides the importance of ideological education and foundation, it is even more important to give total care and love to the child, which can only be provided by a home and parents. From this I have understood that our ideals, no matter how lofty they are, will become reality only if love is added. Life may take our kids anywhere, if necessary, but they will always have something to remember, a place to return.”

    Nama-dharma das, godbrother of mine: http://yogiroots.org/blog/creating-cohesion-between-spiritual-practice-and-family-life-from-time-outs-to-time-ins/

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