Karmic reactions

I’ve been silent for a while now. I’m going through one of my usual down periods. I’m kind of tired of the up and downs in my spiritual and material life. Too much are happening, too little is happening. Things are too tough and have been for a long time and exhaustion is my usual companion.

I’m even tired of my own ups and downs. People used to ask Gurudeva about troubles they had in their lifes, boy/girlfriend problems and the likes. Gurudeva used to answer: Just chant and it will resolve itself.

I’m angry at my Gurudeva because I need more than just help in the spiritual department, I need help materially as well. It seems like I have to burn through five lifetimes of bad karma in just this life. Sure there is a logical answer to this statement, but I’m not at a place where I’m willing to listen to logic anymore. This is about my life and there’s a lot of feelings involved. I don’t need to think that it’s in my karma, because I refuse karma now. I don’t accept having to go through so much, all the time. I have dealt with more changes and instability than most people deal with in several lifetimes.

I feel I’m being punished and that being a devotee is a punishment. Since I know about this process all my sins are being punished five folds. I’m working so hard on doing the right thing all the time, and I’m not given the same courtesy.

Enough now. I’m done. I need some honey coming my way.

2 thoughts on “Karmic reactions

  1. It’s safer to be angry with Krishna, and the guru anyway moves under his influence. At one point in my practice I found it necessary to open up to Krishna about my anger towards him. But I made it in a sacred space, with an invocation. “Krishna, this is how I feel about you and it’s getting in the way of our relationship. Please help me sort it out.”

    Chant Hare Krsna and it will resolve itself. This is of course true on a higher level. It will eventually liberate you from any boy/girlfriend problems forever. But here and now, there are things to be worked out. You know that these problems are material and that the Guru is all about spirit. So, let’s bring it down to a physical example. “Gurudeva, I have broken my arm”. “Chant and it will resolve itself”. This means, go to the hospital, get your arm fixed, and continue chanting until you attain a siddha deha, whose arms can’t be broken. Bringing it back up to mental and interpersonal problems, the answer is “Seek out help for that, but do it for the sake of your sadhana”. The guru may directly fix a broken arm or a broken heart, but if he does not have time, it’s not a sin to seek help from professional people. A creepy thing is though, that many of us came to Krishna consciousness with the motive to become free from suffering. So if we get help somewhere else, we may wonder why we should be devotees at all. Fortunately the actual cause of our bhakti is ajnata sukrti, which will never go away. So even if we get sidetracked, the road is still there waiting for us, and fellow travellers to pull us back in as well.

  2. That was very good advice I will take 🙂 It’s just as you say, this is something I have to work out between me and Krishna and it is getting in the way of our relationship. That statement is just spot on, right now.

    When it comes to seeking professional help for material problem, I see it as necessary. Why should Krishna help us with a broken arm, when there are doctors for it? Just as we have Guru for helping us towards Krishna, we have doctors for helping us with physical ailments, psychologist for mental problems and the likes. We are still devotees because we also sense intuitively that there is more to this life than the day to day material workings. Our soul longs for connection.

    I see it as very important to deal with ones material problems because they usually are a hindrance on moving forward in our spiritual lifes. Material problems though doesn’t mean wanting a bigger house just for the sake of it, but more as dealing with health issues, mental afflictions that stops us from focusing on our sadhana or in my case – too much instability.

    I think this is an important point, because I have seen devotees that try to run away from their problems and using krishna consciousness for it. And KC doesn’t work that way.

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