The battle of me: Krishna, maya or karma?

It seems like everything has come into place in financing the apartment now. Furthermore, I got a job interview as an IT architect on the same day that I get the keys to the apartment. The job description is like they have written down my dream job, and it becomes available at the exact moment I’m ready to apply for it, in a small town with little IT jobs to begin with.

Remember the time I was so angry to be put through this huge change and how I thought I had been dancing to the will of Maya?

Well, have I?

It seems like everything is moving into place. I’m getting everything I wanted (just the most important part, a job, left) – though I really have had to work hard for it. Make no mistakes, I have really had to work for it. But work doesn’t always guarantee success. Success – that is one part hard work, one part ???: karma? Maya? Krishna’s mercy?

So what is this? Is it my karma and desires that has fruitined from difficulties to goodness? Or have krishna actually steered this boat to ensure things work out favorably for me?

I don’t know.

I can look at it from the point of surrender:
1) Accept what is favorable for devotional activites.
Is this change favorable for my devotional life? I think so yes. In the end it will be.

2) Reject what is unfavorable.
Well, yes. My situation has not been favorable devotionally, though how much it matters I don’t know. Isn’t overcoming problems part of devotional practice? But I also see that one comes to the point where the obstacles serves no purpose, which kind of happened to me. I got to the point where I got over the obstacles, but they were still there in my external situation, but making small impact internally. Now I’m removing myself from this situation, which will  means the external impact will be gone as well.

3) Believe in the protection of the Lord.
Well, this point have certainly been in use. I will move between cities, quit my job with no job waiting for me, I will become a single mom, I have put myself in a mountain of debt, I have no idea how this will work out financially and the potential of ruin is there. My prayers are pretty much like this: I’m scared shitless, God. Please help me. I need these things to work itself out. Please help me, and thank you for these things that have worked itself out.

4) Depend on the mercy of the Lord
Well, sure. I can’t really be much of an active participant here, because I’m already there. I just have to trust that everything will work itself out.

It all seems so fuzzy-feely. We can’t really know wether it’s Krishna, Maya or Karma doing it’s work, can we? It just works out in the end…. I hope.



Meditating on material life

201401-orig-spiritnewsletter-2-600x411I’m not writing so much because my life is pretty much deeply en-coned in material life. I got some honey coming my way, so I managed to purchase the apartment I wanted. Though – not without a lot of different issues I still haven’t worked through. I get the keys to the apartment 1st July, so let’s hope everything is in place till then or no keys for me.

There really is a lot of things to work through when you have kids, so much things that have to fall in place. What I’m doing now is the most risk I have taken in my whole life. It’s really scary.

Now is probably the time where spiritual life is the most important. But all I’m able to do is to say this prayer to Krishna every night:

1. Thank you for helping me.
2. Please help so that I may get point 1, point 2, point 3 etc. in place as well.
3. Thank you.

This is a time where material life is pressing on me. Life is very demanding. I don’t try to press forward on spiritual life now because it feels okey that spiritual life is on the back burner. Life has it’s ebbs and flows, and right now it flows where I need to keep material life in check or everything else will suffer. Spiritual life will flourish when things have settled down.

Stolen statues of Duryodhana, Balarama and Bhima recovered

cambodian_duryodhanaThere’s a nice article on a norwegian site about a thousand year old stolen statues of  Duryodhana, Balarama and Bhima has been recovered and taken back to Cambodia. The image above is of the three statues.

The statues are large, the one of Duryodhana is 158 cm tall (which is about my size). I suddenly picture myself standing among these statues and suddenly I’m at Kuruksethra where it all happened. Suddenly it looms on me that the setting of Bhagavad-gita is war. Imminent war of killing ones family member. How dramatic it is; furthermore, I’m a vegetarian because I don’t want to harm living beings, and here they are in a situation where they have to kill family members.

Just look at the wall hanging/painting behind those statues.