Trust the process

10175999_10152640855119667_8227195595408581059_nI wanted progress and I got it. I proved that it is possible to progress spiritually on your own – at least for a little while.

If I look back on my last few years, how have I progressed?
Well, I’m in a mentally very healthy state now, with an emphasis on the word healthy. I’m exactly where I should be, really. I’ve learned that if I want to progress spiritually, I have to clear away old baggage in form of relationships that aren’t healthy, childhood wounds that needs to be healed, creating a healthy space for myself. I have learned tolerance and grit by breaking, except I’m not broken when I break. When I break, I’mΒ at the endΒ of learning a lesson.

All of these have been great lessons I’m happy I have overcome, but the thing is; these are in themselves not spiritual lessons. They are lessons on overcoming unfavorable material karma. The spiritual lesson is that clearing this baggage makes me more available to progress spiritually because there is less junk on my path. Clearing this junk makes it easier and faster to progress spiritually.

So where do I go from here?

I used to have so many questions about this philosophy, but I’m all out of questions. I used to devour books, and now I haven’t opened one in a long time. Progressing spiritually is a bit like being blind and deaf. I have no idea what spiritual insights I need to develop, because I have never done it before. I’m blind to what I have never experienced. I’m walking a path I have never walked before and I don’t even know the path. I know the path behind me, but not the path in front of me.

My focus has shifted from reading to (not) practicing. I need to practice. I need a siksa guru to put that discipline in me – or at least get me moving. I get why one needs to have close interations with a Guru to progress spiritually. I’m bad at kicking my own hide, I’m a terrible boss of me.

I just have to trust that Krishna will make me walk the path of bhakti and will reveal everything to me in the right time. I have to trust that He will reveal the process and put the right people in front of me.Β I have to trust the process.

11 thoughts on “Trust the process

  1. It’s been inspiring to follow your journey, that you have shared generously.

    I remember reading something from your Gurudeva, in The Hidden Path of Devotion. (Paraphrasing:) “If Srimati Radhika has arranged for you to get this far, don’t you think she will arrange for you to get further?”.

    • I found the passage you refer to. It’s on page 121 For me this is especially interesting:
      “If someone is not available to come in person, Sri Krishna will inspire you through the caitya-guru (supersoul) in your heart”.

  2. Thank you!

    I agree. Thanks to you I started reading the first few pages of The hidden path of devotion again – which is probably all I’m going to read since that seems to be the current theme in my life right now. But again I experienced that I found myself in those pages, I connected. So there’s probably a new blog post in the making there πŸ˜€

    But that got me thinking again. You are my association right now. You usually come with some insight or point me in a direction that makes me move forward. You are helping me progress. You are one of these people Krishna has put in my path to make me progress. I’m so grateful for your input. Thank you!

    • I actually found your blog in the course of a service. My Gurumaharaj wanted the Harmonist website more active so me and another devotee was asked to scan the gaudiya cyber world for material to publish, including devotee blogs.

      I noticed the word “confluence” in your blog name, because I like that word a lot. It’s a nice metaphor for sadhu sanga, streams of thought coming together.

      I like commenting here, because I know you won’t settle for simple formula answers, so it’s a challenge to think of something to write. πŸ™‚

      • The Harmonist site is great, I especially like the cartoons! Nothing like a cartoon to convey humour and message at the same time πŸ˜€
        So this means Tripurari Swami is your Guru Maharaja?

        hehe, that’s exactly why I chose the word confluence. It’s such a lovely word which has so many meanings. Streams of thought, experience, paths etc. Though – it’s a long and unknown word.

        he he he, yes, I do have the tendency to keep pushing until I get an answer that satisfy me πŸ™‚
        You are doing well on the challenge πŸ™‚

      • Yes, Srila Tripurari Maharaja is my siksa-guru and I live with him. I received harinam and diksa from Srila Paramadvaiti Maharaja.

        Fun facts: When Srila Narayana Maharaja first went to the west, Tripurari Maharaja’s temple was the only gaudiya temple that welcomed him, and hosted him along with 30 of his followers. Tripurari Maharaja also paid for the printing of the first edition of your gurudeva’s commentary on Bhakta-rasamrta-sindhu-bindu.

      • I have never heard about Srila Paramadvaiti Maharaja before. But considering your input, I knew you were and are in good company πŸ™‚

        That was interesting, I didn’t know that πŸ™‚
        And that is one of the books I have to read again to learn more about the process.

  3. I can by the way really recommend the book “Raga vartma candrika” of my Gurudeva. I know “Hidden path of devotion” is the same book, but the difference is that hidden path is in a conversational form, while Raga vartma is a book where the material has been properly edited and worked through. I *greatly* prefer the book version to the conversation. The only time I like the conversational books is in the “morning walks with Narayana Maharaja” because you get questions and answers on topics that have never occured to me.

    The problem is that I haven’t found the “raga vartma”book online except in my bookshelf.

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