Inner fulfillment of grace


I feel wonderful. I’ve never been this happy and content in my life, I feel so wonderful it’s fantastic. There’s nothing bothering me, nothing. Everything is a-okey!

So from a spiritual viewpoint, how do you classify feeling great?
I’m really great, very great, very very great?

My path now is on working on even more subtle level than before. When things aren’t okey in the external environment, then whatever internal work is being performed becomes visible in the externals. But now everything is great both internally and externally, so whatever progress I have will most likely be more internally. If it is visible externally, only the most observant will notice it, those who really know me well.

I’m seeing the contours of two persons in me. The external me is doing whatever she needs to do, experiencing what happens etc. Then there’s the internal me who is observing things that happen as if the external me is an actor in a theatre. The internal me at the core is content, happy and relaxed whatever happens to the external me. The external me gets worked up and sometimes loose sight of the internal me and feel unhappy. So then I have to sit down and meditate until the internal me shows herself again.

Externally this is visible in the shape of that there is a slight reduction of the need for sense gratification. There is a lessening, my need for different and specific sense gratification is less prominent. That in itself feels like relief. It’s like small pebbles is being taken away from me, and for each pebble the load gets easier to carry and I feel relief for the easier load, for the slightest load however insignificant.

At the same time I’m amazed. How is it possible that there is so much happening to me internally and it seems to be going fast? Even timewise I think it’s fast. I know I’m only scratching the surface of spiritual progress, but I notice every change and it’s so rich in flavor. I’m even surprised that somehow the words to describing thisĀ becomes available to me.

I’m only scratching the surface. How wonderful is that?

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