You know the answer to this one, right? Everybody says it’s morning. Well, not me. For me it’s best in the evening. It always has been. In the morning, chanting is all effort for me. So I manage to do some rounds, and well, then the day hit you. I also have a kid, so the mornings are usually a bit busy. Most people when doing Gayatri doesn’t respond if somebody comes to talk to them etc. Me – I have learned that if I want to finish Gayatri, I just have to respond to whatever my kid says, then just keep on doing it. Mornings are instead perfect reading time.
In the morning/day I might start to think that chanting is hard, and then it becomes harder. So I have to let the thought go because it doesn’t help me in my chanting. I think about how my life is busy and there is so much to do, then I realize that I’m making up a story about my life that doesn’t like chanting, so I have to let the story go. The story isn’t beneficial for my chanting, so I have to let it go. I find myself thinking during the day; “how in the world will I ever to finish my prescribed number of rounds?” So I ask for the help of the Name to be able to finish my rounds this day.
Then evening comes and Simon has fallen asleep. I’m tired and usually crash next to the tv for mindless entertainment. Then it’s getting late and I’m tired and sleepy. I have so many rounds left, but I need to sleep. I need the sleep.
But I can at least do a couple of rounds. So I start doing it, and then I get a bit alert. Alert enough so that I’m not able to fall asleep. So I think I should just continue chanting, I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway. The chanting runs smoothly. At some point I understand that it runs so smoothly, that I can’t stop. I can’t go check that text message or do anything else but chant if I want to finish my prescribed number of rounds. If I stop I might not get it back, this smoothness. Instead I have to get out of it’s way and let the Name work on me.
Miraculously, I manage to finish my rounds. I would never be able to finish this number of rounds. The Name finished them for me. I just had to get out of it’s way to let it work through me.
In my mind I have envisioned this dirty mirror of my heart. I have really wanted there to be a crack in some of the dirt, so that there would be a little light that shines through so that I would find more pleasure in doing japa. But maybe, maybe that not how it works?
Instead, maybe there is a spot of dirt that has become soft enough now, that the Name can work to make me finish my rounds. Maybe, a spot of dirt has become soft enough for me to understand that I have to get out of it’s way when it decides to help me. I have to get out of it’s way.
It’s not me working Japa, it’s the Name working on me.