Where from here?

writing-cycleThis blog had it’s birth in 2012. I’ve written 84 posts and have 167 comments so far. This blog has been instrumental in my spiritual life and it’s dedicated to the process of spiritual progress, the work that goes into it. It motivates me to keep on working on my spiritual life, it challenges me, it makes me ponder questions sometimes for months. I’ve been angry, sad, exhausted, happy, scared – I have lived my material life through a spiritual lense. I usually ponder something for days and suddenly there’s a blog post there that writes itself. I usually spend 30 minutes and less on a blog post. I never know what I will write about next, but somehow something always comes up. It’s a way for me to keep myself accountable.

This blog is important for me.

apana bhajana-katha na kahiba jatha tatha
One should not reveal one’s bhajana to others

Narottama Thakura

Writing this blog has been easy, because I have been on such a low level spiritually. There’s no danger involved.

It’s not like I’m on a high level now, but it’s beginning to feel scary. My last blog post was about greed. Revealing such things is very, very scary because this is personal.

Writing is easy, but pushing that “Publish” button is getting harder and harder. Revealing my inner chambers is so scary, and everywhere I read it’s not recommended to do so. I’m sheltered from this because I have no association, I live in no ashram and whenever I talk about spirituality with the people around me, I see the blankness in their eyes. They have no interest and no understanding. It would have been a different ballgame to write this had I been part of any sangha.

I’m on a  low spiritual level and still it’s beginning to feel scary. I don’t know how to move forward with this blog. I’m afraid to reveal myself. I’m afraid to become too vulnerable, though it’s not like anybody know who I am or care.

This blog is so important for me in my spiritual progress, but at the same time this blog scares me now. I don’t know how to move from here and still let this blog be dedicated to the process itself. I don’t know how I cannot write here as well. I’m addicted.

2 thoughts on “Where from here?

  1. Here’s a quote from Srila Bhakti Prajnana Keshava Maharaja about Krishna speaking the Bhagavad-gita:

    “An intelligent lover, who is the object of love for everyone, will speak to common people in a general way about affectionate service to him. If his beloved is also present among the general people, then, in midst of his general topics, he will hint to his beloved in a hidden manner about how to please him in a special way. Although ordinary people will be unable to understand such hints, those who are extraordinarily dear to him will certainly be able to comprehend them.”

  2. Beautiful !

    I guess this mean I have to further work on my communication skills. Though, subtleness is a virtue I’ve never been proficient in 🙂

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