Krishna achieves many things at once

IMG_1752Just on top of me lives my neighbor who is a psychopath. She has decided that I’m her enemy and the result is that I’m harassed for hours every day and night. Only when I’m alone or with my son, not when I have visitors of course. If you have no close encounter with a psychopath, you have no ability to understand how destructive a psychopath is and should never give advice to somebody in that situation. A psychopath receives energy from harassing you and breaking you down, and therefore he will never stop. He will *never* stop. Your only defense is to try to live a semblance of your life as best as you can and hope that in time that psychopath will find a new victim.

The current joy of the psychopath upstairs is to bereave me of sleep as much as she can. So she goes to bed after 12am and makes sure to wake me. She makes sure to wake me when her husband wakes to go to work and if she has troubles sleeping then I am not allowed to sleep either. And I wake up every time with my heart pumping out of my chest, unable to fall asleep again.

Talking about karma in such a case has no value. It doesn’t help to think that “oh well, that’s karma for you” or that it’s temporary. The closest analogy I have found to this situation is “humbler than a blade of grass”. I’m that grass that have a camping truck parked on top of me. If this is not a lesson in extreme tolerance, I don’t know what is. But a grass that lives too long under a camping truck dies, and so will I. This situation is killing me.

What does a semblance of a devotee to do?

For the last couple of days I have breached a wall I didn’t think I would be able to breach, at least on my own. I have chanted 64 rounds. It’s the only way I can think of to protect myself. This whole situation is so beyond me that only divine help can help me. But I don’t think it will come. I think Krishna wants me to be in this position.

The Personality of Godhead said: If I especially favor someone, I gradually deprive him of his wealth. Then the relatives and friends of such a poverty-stricken man abandon him. In this way he suffers one distress after another.

Srimad-Bhagavatam 10.88.8

In my case, I don’t think Krishna is going after my money. He is instead making my situation so unbelievably unlivable (and harder for each time). It’s so hard that I have to protect my friends from myself by not speaking about it unless they ask. One friend of mine who has experienced this psychopath herself said to me: “You need to get a boyfriend.” Which is one thing this female psychopath will be hesitant towards (she only attacks single female mothers in our neighbourhood). Though, I have no desire to enter that path again.

The only thing left to protect me is the Name. So I’m reading “Obtaining God in this very lifetime” and chanting in the hopes that this will save me.

“On March 29, 2009, Aniruddha Prabhu came to my home and instructed me to chant one hundred thousand names of Lord Hari every day. I told him that I would be unable to do so. He replied that by chanting one hundred thousand holy names per day, all of my worries would be over and the Supreme Lord would take all of my responsibilities upon Himself.”
Testimonial 1 from Obtaining God in this very lifetime.

But so far… well. Okey, I’m only two days in and I know that my motives here aren’t the best. But I did expect that chanting 64 rounds would at least make me feel…. more effulgent? Something, at least. So far I’m only surviving here. Chanting and otherwise.