Will I ever?

It’s Kartik now. It’s nine years last time I was there and I have been to Vrindavin three times. The last time I left Vrindavin, I was happy to leave. I felt relief to finally get home again.You see, the pollution got to me. The huge number of people, the austerities, the dust, pollution, the intensity.

The moment I got the feeling, I knew it was offensive and I was unable to do anything about it. I was unable to repent it. I knew that it will be a long time until I will be allowed back to Vrindavin.

If I will ever be allowed back, it will be with a completely different consciousness and appreciation. I will have to sincerely repent that feeling, and I will have to have a desire for that special Vrindavin Experience.

I wonder when that will be.