I had a small revelation this morning. A revelation I’ve had so many times before, but still seem to forget between “the battles”. Why does it matter that I don’t want to do my gayatri? Or much service? It doesn’t matter at all, because feelings change.
Oftentimes when I chant, my japa becomes all tangled up and when I try to move forward a bead I can’t. What I do then is to locate the next bead and just continue. I don’t try to fix the entanglement of the beads, I just move on. What *always* happens is that the entanglement is resolved by itself. When I continue chanting a round and more, the entanglement(s) are gone. I didn’t have to fix them, I just had to go around them.
This morning I did my gayatri again. I just did it without really thinking about wether I wanted to or not. I was too sleepy for such emotional deepness.
I’m not in the stage of nistha – steadiness. I’m not steady in my practices, so why do I expect to be? So I have decided that I will continue as I always has. I will do my gayatri, and if I sometimes don’t want to do it – that’s fine. Then I will not do it. Tomorrow is a new day, and I will most likely want to do it then.