In the presence of Bhakti-devi there is firm faith, enthusiasm and determination.
Reflections on the sacred teaching II: Madhurya-kadambini
Thank you for refusing to give me bhakti. I was not aware that I was using my desire for bhakti for sense gratification. By refusing me, you allowed me to figure out what I was doing wrong.
I don’t know how to remove this weed from my bhajana, but I now understand where to begin. I have to set my intention whenever I do something. So from now on I will make this prayer everytime I try to do something: “Dear God, please let my reading/gayatri/japa/etc. help me widen my understanding/knowledge, and let it help me in develop my relation to Radha-Krishna.”
I now understand that I have to develop this quality of intention in my bhajana. Thank you for refusing me, and please continue to refuse me as long it helps me deepen my bhajana. This was a very instructive lesson, and I like it.