“You have just taken a spiritual break”, my friend told me over the telephone as I was laying out my usual tale of woe. “Just keep on maintaining the connection, and you will get back to it”. I have maintained my connection by sometimes just chanting the maha-mantra once a day, do some prayers and lately by doing my gayatri every morning. That’s it. I’m keeping the connection, but I am little beyond it.
“Krishna must want a BIG change from you” another friend told me. These words are circulating in my mind – not letting me go. Because I think they are right and it scares the shit out of me.
I have gone into interviews and they just don’t work. The chemistry is not there. I used to be really good in interviews and now I’m like shit. Whatever I am doing is not working at all.
It’s getting to the point where only one option is left for me to do, and I don’t want to do it. I really don’t. Why does Krishna keep on pushing me so hard? He always give me lessons way beyond my ability and then I have to struggle so hard to catch a breath. I want my life to be easy, effortless.
This is so unfair.
DISTURBANCES MUST COME by Srila B.R. Sridhar Dev-Goswami Maharaj
Our karma has come to face us, to surround us, and we can’t avoid it.These disturbances are a result of our own karma; they came from within us. So, we must not quarrel. We must act properly in dealing with that. We have to scrutinise more accurately what we thought we understood. Everyone must ask himself, “Where am I? What is my real need? And how much am I hankering for the real thing?” All these things will be expressed, and made public. So, this is the real field of sādhana, or practice. Our practice, our advancement, needs all these difficulties. Otherwise we may not know what is progress.We will become hypocrites and give the same adulterated thing to others. So, to purify ourselves it is necessary that so many disturbances come.
(from Sri Guru and His Grace)